


the dawn

by closingdoors



Series: Pepperony Week 2019 [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Domestic Bliss, F/M, Pepperony Week, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 18:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closingdoors/pseuds/closingdoors
Summary: "My birth control runs out on Thursday," she comments over breakfast one morning.Prompt:  missing scenes (5 years mid-endgame)





	the dawn

You say you await the Dawn  
But I say you are the Dawn.

**Reveille, Lola Ridge**

* * *

The house is Pepper's idea.

"We don't have to go," she says, passing him the tablet, mindful of the wires connected to him. She supports his hands with hers like he's unable to take the weight of it. Maybe he isn't. "I just thought it was a nice thought. I already bought it. It's an... option."

Tony flicks through the photos. The lake house is beautiful, but not something he thought Pepper would ever pick out - well, the world is different now. It figures that she changed with it.

"When?" 

"What?" 

"When did you buy it?" He asks, clearing his throat.

Pepper takes the tablet and sets it on the side. She's still wearing the ring. He brings her hand to his lips and kisses her fingers. He watches her smile, exhausted, teary-eyed. 

"Last week. Don't worry, it wasn't - " She hesitates, takes and deep breath, and ploughs on through the sentence, "it wasn't someone else's. It was a new build. No-one... no-one was snapped from there."

"Were you gonna move there?" 

Pepper's free hand rises to cup his cheek. Her thumb brushes over his grown-out stubble, catching on his gaunt features, the too-sharp bones. She keeps looking at him like she's waiting for him to break. Maybe he already has. 

"Only if you came back," she answers.

Tony glances out the glass wall to the Avengers compound. The place he'd built for them all. Hoping that, if they hadn't wanted to move into the obnoxious tower, perhaps they'd want to move here. It's empty. They've all left, even Rhodey, chasing Thanos. Hadn't even waited for him to wake up. There's no Cap and apologies he's been yearning for; no Rhodey to make a smartass comment; no Bruce to finally reconnect with.

Tony sets his jaw and looks back to Pepper. Her hand's resting against his sternum now.

"Alright. Let's do it."

* * *

The first night isn't the hardest. Or the second, or the third, or even the fourth. The first night, he has Pepper at his side, gingerly resting next to him to avoid the IVs and heart monitor. The second isn't hard, either, because he and Pepper leave the team who come back empty-handed and return to their penthouse in New York, and for a moment he lets himself pretend it's any other day. The third and fourth are all about organising the move - Pepper's so _good _at it, at handling everything yet giving him just enough responsibility to keep his mind off of things.

So, no, the first night isn't the hardest. It's the eleventh. They're finally settled into the house. Everything's been unpacked. Pepper's finally found a new assistant that can keep up with the demands of a company that's lost half of its employees and at least a third of the board. There's no distractions; just the sound of their breathing as they sleep in the new bed, the world around them silent.

By the time it hits five in the morning, he gives up on rest. He heads out to the porch and sits on the bench there, waiting the way the sky shifts to a multitude of pinks and oranges. A morning twilight half of the universe doesn't get the opportunity to see.

Pepper finds him, of course she does, but she doesn't berate him. He knows he needs rest. He's still malnourished and she's still worried. Yet all she does is bring a blanket to throw over his legs and then she sits beside him, curling her hand around the back of his neck and guiding him to press his cheek against her sternum. 

The twelfth day begins with the rhythm of Pepper's heartbeat in his ear.

* * *

Exactly two months and twenty-five days have passed since the boy turned to ashes in his arms. Pepper's been reading books on home gardening and he's found himself joining her in the hobby; tending to the plants is soothing, even if he has managed to accidentally trample some of the sunflower stems.

Pepper's sweating under the afternoon sun. Her hair is pulled up and she has a wide-brim hat shielding her from its rays. The outfit she's wearing they've affectionally dubbed her layman's clothes - an old plaid shirt of his that she's happy to get muddy; a pair of sweatpants that are fading at the knees. Her cheeks are red from the exertion of clearing the weeds from the new patch she wants to begin gardening on. 

"You're beautiful," he says, and she smiles, rubs her oversized garden gloves together and yanks the next weed out. "Will you marry me?" 

Pepper flushes an even deeper shade of red. "You've already asked me that." 

"No, I mean, let's actually do it. Pep, I don't... I don't have anything anymore except for you. I want to hold onto that." 

"You always have me. With or without a piece of paper to prove it. But if you want to get married - " 

"I do."

She smiles. "You're getting ahead of yourself." 

"We can fly our guests out and have the ceremony here. I mean, why does it have to be a big deal, right? As long as you're there, that's all that matters to me." 

"Well... I do have my dress." 

"You _do? _What the hell are we waiting for?" 

"I didn't know if you'd want - " 

"I don't think anything could happen that would stop me from wanting to marry you," he confesses in a rush, and she leans forwards, cups his face between the soil-clad gloves, and kisses him soundly.

They're married by the lake two days later. Her dress is rose gold and her hair falls in soft waves down her back, cherry blossoms woven through the tendrils. He wears red and gold cufflinks, a gift from Rhodey, and once he's styled his hair the right way and trimmed his goatee a little he doesn't look so gaunt in the face anymore. 

It's sunset when they're announced husband and wife. The orange sets her aglow and his heart pounds when he leans in for the kiss. He doesn't feel guilty when he pulls away and gets a glimpse of her, Pepper Potts, his wife, for the first time. Not when she smiles at him like that. Not when she giggles as Rhodey and Happy, the only guests who'd responded to their invites, whoop and clap to embarrass her.

They play cheesy music for the reception, have their first dance to the tune of Rhodey and Happy singing an off-key rendition of _The Power of Love,_ and Pepper drinks just enough wine that she almost strangles him with her grip on his tie when she almost lets him get to third base out of view of their guests. Happy goes beetroot red and Rhodey sighs in mock-disgust when he reappears with red lipstick smeared across his cheeks and his top three shirt buttons undone.

Still, as he's leaving, Rhodey shakes his hand.

"Congrats, man. Been a long time coming."

Tony rests both hands on Rhodey's. 

"Don't be a stranger." He looks over to Happy and adds: "That goes for both of you."

"Sure thing, boss."

"I'm not your boss anymore."

Happy shrugs. "Old habits."

He wishes he could say that he spared a thought for those he'd lost that day. Truthfully, he doesn't. Because damn it, he's just married the love of his life after a cruel war they'd both miraculously managed to survive. 

Tony closes the door, turns, and Pepper's there waiting for him. The firelight paints her amber, catching in the red of her hair, and he can't help but be drawn to her. He rests one hand on the bare skin exposed by her backless dress and takes her hand with the other. They dance without music and Pepper settles her head on his shoulder as they sway, finally leaning on him.

"We could be really happy here, Tony," she murmurs.

His instinct is to flinch away from the word _happy _like flinching from a gunshot.

He fights against it and pulls her closer until her body is flush against his. The room is filled with the sound of the crackling flames, the skirt of her dress as it brushes against his shoes, the crickets waking up outside.

"We will be," he promises.

* * *

He finds out, later, that Peter's aunt hadn't survived. Pepper joins him in the city when the monuments are built and the names _May Parker _and _Peter Parker _are there side-by-side. She takes his hand and doesn't say a word.

Someone in the crowd recognises him. He has to wait until they're back behind closed doors to grieve.

* * *

"My birth control runs out on Thursday," she comments over breakfast one morning, trying to avoid dropping raspberry yoghurt on her work suit.

Tony mills over the first word in the newspaper crossword. Seven letters, meaning _remarkable occurrence. _

"Tony. I'm talking to you."

"Uh huh," he replies distractedly. 

She jabs him with her spoon, smearing yoghurt over his cheek. Tony yelps and rubs at it with his palm before he grabs a paper towel. Pepper's laughing to herself.

"What was that for?" 

"You're not listening to me. I said my birth control runs out on Thursday." 

"You need me to get you an appointment with your doctor?"

Pepper rolls her eyes and sets her bowl down.

"No, Tony. I'm saying... well, what if I stopped taking it?" 

"Well, then we'd need to use condoms, I don't see the point of - "

Pepper groans and drops her head into her hands. He frowns. Pepper's been on birth control for their entirety of their relationship. The only side effect she's ever complained about is the headaches, though he's never been entirely convinced that those aren't a consequence of her job. So it's not like she wants to quit it for the sake of her health.

"Oh," he says, somewhat stupidly, as the realisation hits him. 

Pepper peeks at him through her fingers. "Don't you still want - ?"

"No. I mean, yes. Wait. Let me try and arrange my thoughts here. You're saying you want to try for a baby. I thought you didn't want kids?" 

"I never said that."

"I distinctly remember you arguing against my case right before the magician interrupted us."

Pepper sighs and rounds the counter until she's on his side. It feels like another lifetime, those few months ago, jogging with her in Central Park. He'd still worn the housing unit on his chest. She'd smiled and laughed and he'd made her a promise that he'd intended to keep.

"No, Tony, I argued the fact that I wasn't pregnant. I thought you weren't ready for kids. But I guess now I'm tired of looking for excuses," she says, linking her hands with his and squeezing. "I just want us to live our lives, Tony, and do whatever the hell we want with them because... we've seen how quickly it can all be taken away. If you don't want that anymore, that's okay. It'd just be a nice idea."

"I'd use a better adjective than _nice_." 

She's searching his face. "Are you sure? Tony, I know what losing Peter did to you."

Tony sucks in a sharp breath. They don't talk about it, him, the kid. He'd told her what'd happened sometime between the agreeing the move and her climbing into the cot with him. She hasn't pushed the subject except framing that photo of him and Peter and displaying it in the kitchen.

Pepper squeezes his hands again and he leans forward to rest his forehead against hers. They stand like that, sharing breath, and he closes his eyes. He always goes back there whenever he does. It doesn't matter his mood, he's always back on Titan, watching everyone around him turn to dust. And then he hears it: _Mr Stark? I don't feel so good. _He feels the kid's trembling body in his hands again. Watches as a body becomes dust and floats in the air.

"I'm sure, Pepper. I don't want to keep losing." 

Pepper leans in to kiss him. "Okay."

She pulls away, but he ropes his arms around her, pulling her closer. 

"So... practice makes perfect." 

"I have work, Tony," she chides, but she's grinning.

He smacks a loud kiss against her cheek. Her neck.

"You're the boss. You can play hooky." 

"I'll play hooky on Friday."

"Promise?" 

She twists out of his arms, a flurry of motion as she gathers her bag and coat. 

"You'll just have to wait and see."

The answer to the crossword comes to him as Pepper disappears out of the door.

He fills in 'miracle'. 

* * *

Because of her age, their stressful lifestyle, and several other reality checks, he expects it to be a long and enduring wait. He's certain they're going to end up tracking her cycle for when she's most fertile and making time in their calendars for scheduled, obligatory sex. 

In the end, it takes thirty-nine days. Pepper sets the pregnancy test down in front of him one Sunday afternoon, eyes glazed over with tears, and he takes the stick without a care for contamination and stares and stares and stares at that those two lines gazing on back up at him. He has no idea whether to laugh or to cry, so he settles on dragging her into his lap and holding her onto her so tightly neither of them can breathe properly.

"Too late to go back now," she says into his hair.

"This is the endgame," he replies, one hand finding her stomach.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Tony glances up, holding a screw between his lips. Pepper's silhouetted by the sunlight.

"Hi, honey. You're home early. How you feeling?" 

"I'm fine. You didn't answer my question."

"I'm babyproofing the house."

"Babyproofing?"

"You know," he gestures vaguely, "making it safe."

Pepper gapes. "Tony, I'm only eleven weeks pregnant." 

He heaves himself to a stand - it's getting harder on his knees but he refuses to admit it because, well, Pepper's a fair bit younger than him and she's _pregnant _\- and sweeps a hand to the smoothie he's prepared for her. 

"No strawberries," he assures her. She's still wide-eyed. "Full of nutrients. Hey, I read on the internet that you're supposed to be taking prenatal vitamins. We should head out and get some of those. Did you know that baby's only an inch a half big at eleven weeks?"

Pepper accepts the smoothie he shoves into her hands. She glances between it and him and finally snaps her mouth shut with a frown. 

"You cannot baby proof the house."

"What? Why?" 

"Because I'm eleven weeks!" She stresses. "Tony, I'm excited too, but this is - this is too much." 

Tony winces. "I've already done all of indoors." 

"Of course you have," Pepper groans, collapsing into one of the porch chairs and giving in.

* * *

There's a melancholy to the pregnancy, of course. Only a smattering of Pepper's cousins had survived - not her parents. Sometimes he catches sight of her sending pictures of the ultrasound to her mom's phone number. It's been disconnected. She still does it anyway. 

* * *

Because he's him, he breaks.

He climbs out of bed as quietly as he can. Pepper shifts in her sleep, baby bump rising and falling under the moonlight, but she doesn't wake. He plunges straight into a shower, letting the water run cold to combat the sweat clinging to him. It doesn't help. So he bundles on clothes and goes for a walk of the perimeter, keeping an eye out, his whole body stretching and aching with anxiety even as the rational part of his brain assures him there is no danger. Thanos already won. 

As he thinks the name, Tony falls to his knees. They flare with pain and he curses, resting his hands on his thighs. He screws his eyes shut and focuses on calming his breathing. If he gets that under control, then he'll stop feeling his pulse in every limb. 

Sometimes, he still gets phantom pain in his abdomen. He still has a scar. Pepper's fingers linger over it sometimes, for some reason more affected by it than any of his other scars - he thinks because it's just another thing that could've prevented him from coming home to her. Not only had he been stranded in space, but he'd been stabbed through the gut with his own weapon. 

_You're lucky he didn't get your spine, _she'd said one night, and rolled over to sleep. 

Tony presses his knuckles into his eyes until his vision pops. 

It's a long time before the anxiety attack wears off. He's exhausted and cold and the three am air is damp with mist. He collects his thoughts and heads back inside but he doesn't go back to bed. 

Not for the first time, he flips open the old phone Steve Rogers had given him. It probably wouldn't even work now. Cap wouldn't even pick up. From what he's been able to ascertain, Cap runs support groups and Nat's trying to help fix the broken universe Thanos had left behind. Neither of them have time to answer the calls of a broken man.

Hell, even Rhodey hasn't answered his calls these last few months because he's been so busy - he doesn't even know Pepper's pregnant.

Tony sighs, warming up by the fireplace. If he's honest with himself, he hasn't had much contact with anyone besides Pepper since the snap. It's not like he hasn't tried. He'd invited the old team to the wedding. He's left plenty of open invitation for dinners or lunches - he's made it clear that his home is open to them all. What does he have to show for it? Nothing.

"Tony?" 

He twists to find Pepper shuffling into the room. Her eyes are still swollen with sleep and her hands are clumsy when she holds onto his shoulder for balance as she lowers herself to sit on the floor beside him. Her bump presses against his side.

"What's wrong? Is it the baby?"

She shakes her head. "I woke up and you weren't there. Everything okay?"

"No," he answers truthfully. "But we're lucky. Right? I'm not allowed to - "

"There is no rule to feeling."

"Pep..."

He doesn't even know what to say. He's not even sure what it is he _is _feeling right now. He thinks he _should_ feel guilt for being so happy when so many people aren't.

"Go back to bed," he settles on saying. 

He can tell she wants to argue, but logic and maternal instinct wins that argument. He helps her back up and she rests a hand over her stomach. 

"You'll join me?" 

"In a bit." 

She kisses his cheek and glances over her shoulder before she heads back into the bedroom. Tony settles on the couch and pulls the phone from his pocket, shifting it from hand to hand. He's not really sure he wants to talk to Cap anymore, really. He'd said everything he had to say. The silence on Steve's end is a little too loud, but he gets it. The guy's a solider. That's all he's ever been. He's not interested in the aftermath.

Still, Tony allows himself a moment to miss the people who aren't gone, but aren't here with him. It's pretty obvious that he'd always cared more about the team than they had him, but he'd thought maybe Bruce would stick around.

Pepper's here, though. He thinks that's all that matters.

* * *

Their - _her - _garden flourishes. She wants to kill him when she gets home from work one day and discovers their new pet, Gerald the alpaca, curiously sniffing at her rhubarb plant. 

"Anyone would think we don't have a baby on the way," she grumbles, glaring at the alpaca through the window.

"Hey, studies indicate that kids with pets show more compassion. I'm just thinking of the future."

She arches an eyebrow. "Tony, that was probably written about kids with dogs as pets. Not alpacas." 

"You said we couldn't get a dog." 

"That doesn't mean you can go get - " She stops and shakes her head. "You're ridiculous, you know that?" 

"But you love me."

She rolls her eyes, but she doesn't protest when he wraps his arms around her from behind. He dots kisses against her cheek playfully until she laughs. And Gerald the alpaca is accepted as the newest member of the Stark-Potts family.

* * *

"There's an alpaca on your porch."

"That's Gerald," Tony says casually. Rhodey just stares at him. "What? You haven't answered my calls in months. I had to find a new best friend."

"And an alpaca was the only thing you could think to replace me with?" 

"He has your eyes."

Rhodey punches him in the shoulder. Tony laughs, leading him through to the front room, where they've set up the food and drink. Pepper's sitting on the couch, using a pillow to hide her stomach. Tony's practically on the tips of his toes in excitement waiting for the dramatic reveal. 

"Hey, Pepper. It's good to see you," Rhodey greets.

"You too, Rhodey," Pepper replies, dropping the pillow and standing.

Tony watches the way Rhodey's mouth drops. For once, his friend has been rendered speechless. Even Pepper looks proud of herself, even if she'd rolled her eyes at his plan to surprise Rhodey.

Rhodey's mouth snap shut but his eyes flicker from the bump, to Tony, back to Pepper, and then down to the bump again. Tony grins. 

"Your wife's pregnant."

"You are shockingly observant today. You'll be godfather, right? The only other option is the alpaca, and I'm pretty sure that'd mess the kid up for life." 

Rhodey still seems to be in shock. Pepper hands him a drink - one with actual alcohol in it, that he's caught her staring at longingly - and he downs it in one. 

"I'm thirty weeks," Pepper tells him. 

"But what - how - "

"Well, we're not exactly sure, but it's most likely that it was the time by the lake - "

"Tony," Pepper hisses, glowing red.

Rhodey holds up a hand. "I didn't literally mean _how. _This is just... wow. I mean - congratulations. I don't know how he talked you into it." 

Rhodey hugs Pepper gingerly. Tony snickers to himself but Pepper just smiles. 

"He means it about being the baby's godfather. I really would rather our baby didn't have an alpaca in that role."

"That's - God, I mean..." Rhodey laughs nervously. Tony spots tears in his friend's eyes and all joking leaves him. He feels himself choking up, too. "Of course. Yeah."

Later, when Pepper's taking a nap, he and Rhodey sit out by the lake. They watch the way the surface of the water ripples in the summer breeze, drinking cold beers together in silence. 

Rhodey's different. Changed. He's not sure if that's come from losing the battle against Thanos or if it's from these past months desperately trying to fix things in the hope that the broken world can possibly go back to what it once was. He knows that he should ask, he knows that he should care - he does care - but really, he doesn't want the answers. It's easy to pretend that the world hasn't been ripped in two when it's just him and Pepper living out here like this.

Rhodey reaches over suddenly and claps him on the shoulder.

"I'm real proud of you, man. You're actually... you're giving your life a shot." 

Tony clears his throat. "Yeah, well, better late than never." 

Rhodey grins. 

"I gotta say though, you've got to be the only guy I know whose gone grey _before _his wife has had the kid."

* * *

Pepper's thirty-six weeks pregnant when the anniversary of the snap arrives. 

He can't tear himself away from the news reports. From the figures and the facts and the documentaries airing. The families sharing their stories of the people they'd lost. The men like him who'd lost women like Pepper. Fathers who'd lost children. Children who'd lost mothers. Senseless, random losses that could've been prevented if he'd just been stronger. If he'd just done more.

By this stage of her pregnancy, Pepper's exhausted, so she doesn't wake until late in the morning. He makes them breakfast and they dance around the subject as she picks at her food. He doesn't look at the photo of him and Peter and he allows Pepper privacy when she texts her mom's phone.

In the early afternoon, he tends to her garden. She watches him from the porch - no matter their dynamic, she's always been bossing him around - to make sure he's doing it right. It feels cathartic to plant the seeds of something new on a day full of loss.

When the news mentions they Avengers, Pepper takes the remote from him to switch it off. They sit in silence, her swollen ankles in his lap, his mind loud and quiet at the same time. 

"You did the best you could." 

"My best wasn't good enough."

"Tony," Pepper sighs tiredly. They've had this argument a thousand times. "You're a hero."

"I never was."

"Whether you like it or not, you always will be. Losing a battle doesn't make you less of a hero. Especially when you had to do so much of it alone," she says, reaching out to take his hand. "I'm sorry that none of us listened to you. About what was coming." 

Tony stares at her hand in his. He thinks about Peter. He thinks about Steve Rogers. He thinks about New York and aliens and flying a nuke into space. How, at the end of the hurt, Pepper's always here. 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He leans down to press a kiss her stomach. She wrinkles her nose and pushes him away - she hates when he does that; he loves teasing her. Tony just gives her the best smile he can muster.

"You're my hero," he tells her, because it's true. He really doesn't know what he would've done if he'd arrived back on Earth to find her gone. "You always have been." 

* * *

Pepper's waters break on a Sunday. She's remarkably calm about it all while he pretends not to have seven panic attacks in the space of three seconds. The hospital bag is already packed and waiting by the door. Pepper tells him they won't need to head there for a little while, but he's so panicked he's ready to don the Iron Man suit for the first time since Titan to race her to the maternity ward.

They arrive at the hospital on Monday. Pepper's less calm by this point. She snaps at him and he tries to find ways to be less annoying but, well, he's him.

Morgan's born when the stars are high in the sky. Tony watches a head full of dark hair emerge as Pepper yells and then the midwives are placing a baby on her chest, congratulating them both, telling them it's a girl. He cuts the cord in a daze and cries big, fat tears as he looks down at his wife and daughter. Morgan's crying and still covered in blood and gunk but oh, god, he _loves her. _

"Pepper." 

It's the only word he can manage.

The midwives weigh and clean Morgan and in the meantime, Pepper's tasked with delivering the placenta. The whole deal is more efficient than he could've ever imagined. His body still feels like it's floating away from the planet when they place the baby in his arms. 

"What's her name?" The midwife asks.

"Morgan," Pepper answers. She looks happy and exhausted in the best kind of way. His chest tightens with how much he loves her. "Right?"

"Right," he agrees with a grin. 

The midwives allow them a moment to themselves. Tony carefully shifts the bundle in his arms and joins Pepper in the bed. His wife rests her cheek against his shoulder and strokes their daughter's cheek. He finds himself laughing. 

"Why are you laughing?" She asks. 

"We have a daughter. You and me. We got married and had a kid, Pep. After all those years of me driving you crazy." 

Pepper laughs too and presses a kiss to his t-shirt covered shoulder.

"Yes. We did." 

"She's perfect, by the way. Just like you."

"And you," Pepper returns softly.

Morgan snuffles in his arms. For once, Tony feels weightless.

Maybe they really will be okay.


End file.
